The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
Sign up for our Funniest Tweets Of The Week newsletter here.
Ladies bear with me I haven't slept enough this week but if we hide all the guns in our vaginas, Congress will HAVE to regulate them!!!— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) October 4, 2017
What idiot called it Beauty and the Beast and not Saved by the Belle? pic.twitter.com/r1UIgfxqIj— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) October 5, 2017
The year is 2017. OJ Simpson is free, Tony Romo is an oracle, and Kim Kardashian is smarter than the president. pic.twitter.com/yYdmy5bBJ5— shauna (@goldengateblond) October 1, 2017
"I'd like to buy a gun"— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) October 4, 2017
"Here ya go!"
"I'd like to buy a Claritin."
"Ok, I need your name, photo ID, signature, fingerprint, lock of hair,
I need 70 cocktails 40 xanax, sex, a spa, a massage, medical marijuana, a bath, an IV, a manicure, a cupcake and a hug— Bethenny Frankel (@Bethenny) October 5, 2017
At this point, no matter what movie Liam Neeson is in, I worry one of his family members will be kidnapped— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) October 5, 2017
i'm sorry, but one of my small joys in life is calling it Rick & Marty.— Caitlin Van Horn (@HelloCVH) October 3, 2017
[in Obama voice] let me be perfectly clear: we all used AIM to have cybersex and thats about it— Ej Dickson (@ejdickson) October 6, 2017
[Cam Newton voice]— (((OhNoSheTwitnt))) (@OhNoSheTwitnt) October 5, 2017
It's funny to hear a male politician talk about uteruses like, it's funny.
Should I download Bumble? Everyone keep recommending it to me. Caveat: I hate men.— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) October 4, 2017
what if we tell the GOP that birth control is like a tiny little gun that protects our uterus— Geraldine (@everywhereist) October 6, 2017
it’s a well-known fact that any man who was alive during the 60s is physiologically incapable of *not* asking women to watch him shower— Ashley Feinberg (@ashleyfeinberg) October 5, 2017
y'all i ran out of paper towels today and I swear, for a brief moment, I wished Trump would show up and toss a roll into the kitchen.— Hend Amry (@LibyaLiberty) October 4, 2017
I’m dying. My mom bought this book for my 6 year old and I just called to ask if she had actually opened the book. She hadn’t. pic.twitter.com/inYCEaZKpV— tiffany (@Tiffany1985B) October 4, 2017
My friend who doesn't use Twitter just asked "What do you mean 'drag him'?" and I have never longed for my own past in quite this way.— Alana Massey (@AlanaMassey) October 2, 2017
HBO doc night. Beware of Slendernan. Slenderman??? creepypasta??? *puts Luna back in uterus*— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) September 30, 2017
honestly wtf is an acai— Ghoulia Bush (@jabush) October 5, 2017
me, when I'm sliding into your man's DMs pic.twitter.com/VKncG60OwM— Jenna Amatulli (@ohheyjenna) October 6, 2017
It's been a hard week. In search of ice cream.— Karen Attiah (@KarenAttiah) October 6, 2017
i'm no expert on vicious reanimated lumps of clay but i feel like not attacking women can definitely be an overnight process pic.twitter.com/3oYhB0Y0ku— Ellie Shechet (@ellieshechet) October 5, 2017
- This article originally appeared on HuffPost.