22 Of The Funniest Tweets About Married Life (Aug. 29 - Sept. 11)

Marriage is full of highs, lows and a whole bunch of ordinary moments in between.

Somehow married people on X, formerly known as Twitter, continue to find humor in the minutiae of married life. Every other week, we round up the funniest marriage tweets on the platform. Read on for 22 relatable ones that will have you laughing in agreement.

Husbands be like, “I have something really important to tell you” and then tell you your butt looks good.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 1, 2023 ">


Wife: [already pulling out of driveway]

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) September 7, 2023 ">

My husband said something about me reminds him of Jennifer Lawrence

I don’t know what he wants from me but whatever it is he’s going to get it

— That Mom Tho 🐦 (@mom_tho) September 2, 2023 ">

Came home after running a ton of errands and told my husband about all of it, even to the last insignificant detail, and now I think I have officially morphed into my mom.

— Michele (@marvelousmrsmom) September 5, 2023 ">

Husband: On a scale of 1 to 10, how much does it annoy you when I...

Me: 10

— Jacana Mommy (@jacanamommy) September 4, 2023 ">

I was putting a grocery bag on our bathroom trash when my husband came in and told me to go buy the little trash bags because we can actually afford them. You guys, we made it! We're rich!

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) August 31, 2023 ">

When my wife says “So I was thinking” there’s a 100% chance we’re either moving or starting another home reno project.

— Dadof2Boys (@Dadof2crazyboys) August 30, 2023 ">

My husband is calling for an end to the strike because he is sick of me not having a set schedule

— The Jay Agenda (@JayJurden) September 4, 2023 ">

I'm so glad my great aunt handed down the beautiful, vintage art deco water glasses that I love because my husband has discovered they are perfect for catching spiders.

— Annie Way (@Anniewritess) September 11, 2023 ">

My wife still brings up the one time in 2014 when an open bag of popcorn fell from the top kitchen cabinet and I whispered cornfetti

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) August 31, 2023 ">

The next phase of a happy marriage begins when you get a king-sized bed.

— Schmuck Ado About Nothing (@SchmuckOnAHorse) September 1, 2023 ">

My mother-in-law makes me feel like a champion race car driver…by grabbing onto the door handle and screaming the entire drive

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) August 31, 2023 ">

We’re going to need to go to Costco

-flirting with your spouse in your forties

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) August 30, 2023 ">

"Will you tell the dogs to come inside? I would but they don't really recognize my authority."

My adult man husband

— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) September 6, 2023 ">

If a man put his empty deodorant under his wife’s pillow in the morning a new stick will appear on the bathroom counter.

— Mommeh Thee Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) September 11, 2023 ">

Me, planning something with friends: If anyone has a free night 3 months from now, we should do dinner.

Husband, planning something with friends: I’m getting a tree cut down tomorrow if anyone wants to come over.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) August 31, 2023 ">

One time we sold our house and when we were moving my husband commented how the blinds never collected dust. “Let’s try to buy those same blinds!”

Me, the invisible duster: ok

— Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux) August 29, 2023 ">

When I want to live on the edge I drink coffee out of my wife's favorite coffee mug.

— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) September 1, 2023 ">

Went on a family hike because my husband promised me coffee and cake at the end, and you know what? It was just like childbirth, once I had the coffee and cake I forgot how awful the hiking part was.

— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) September 10, 2023 ">

My husband is irrationally afraid of using the air fryer.

— @benjaminjs.bsky.social (@BenjaminJS) August 31, 2023 ">

My Gay Vet: That is the fanciest cat stroller I have ever seen.

Me: Thank you! My wife got it for me for my birthday. How else will everyone know I’m the dominant neighborhood lesbian?

My Gay Vet: Oh, I think they could figure it out.

— Heather Hogan (@theheatherhogan) September 8, 2023 ">