Taking to the 'Am I the A**hole' subreddit, the bride said she and her fiancé Peter had been together for seven years and are excitedly planning their wedding for 2021.
Peter has chosen his childhood friend Matt as his best man, who showed no enthusiasm for the role and revealed he doesn't believe in marriage. Before accepting the role, he told the couple that he would do it, but only if he was allowed to say what he was thinking.
The bride wrote, "From that point [being asked to be best man], anytime we would get together he would ALWAYS, without fail, bring the subject of marriage and how he absolutely didn’t believe in it, that he thought Peter was making a mistake and would be better off dumping me and sleeping with random girls.
"Peter talked to him multiple times, and each time he said that he’d been allowed to speak his truth and so we couldn’t ask him to shut up. Peter began talking about choosing another best man, and was (still is) pretty conflicted about it but had always envisioned his wedding with Matt by his side. I really want to respect that and I encouraged him to have a conversation with Matt. At that point Matt calmed down for a while and I thought all was well."
Then she and Peter saw Matt for the first time since lockdown and began planning the wedding. When Peter briefly left the room, Matt began telling the poster about his plans for the bachelor party.
"He then proudly announce that he would be hiring a prostitute for the bachelor party to 'test' Peter and that he was planning on doing everything he could to push him to the edge and make him cheat on me and realise he was making a mistake. I have complete trust in my fiancé and I don’t doubt his fidelity but I was so hurt that his best man would try something like that.
"I lost it, and told him to get out of my house. I was angry and hurt and asked Peter to uninvite him, because I couldn’t imagine having my wedding with him around. It’s also my day and I don’t want to spend it hearing about how my fiancé is making a mistake marrying me. I also don’t want my family to be forced to sit through a toast basically humiliating me. I want this day to be a happy one, to be about us and our commitment to each other and not about the best man’s disbelief in marriage."
She continued, saying that Peter is conflicted about the whole thing because Matt is such an old friend and mutual friends are all taking Matt's side.
The bride wrote that she was "hurt and scared" but "most of all sad about this moment that should be so exciting and happy for us would turn to THIS".
She wrote, "I’m afraid I’m the A-hole for asking him to uninvite Matt because he would have to find another best man and it’s not my choice to make but it will in fact affect me."
Redditors quickly responded to the question, telling the poster that she was not in the wrong.
One user wrote, "He's basically saying he intends to use someone else's wedding to get up on a soapbox and talk about lewd and inappropriate topics, like how marriage is bad and the groom should be sleeping with all the bridesmaids instead.
"I can't decide if Matt is emotionally still 16 years old or if Matt is struggling with the fact that his best friend is happily getting married and he's not. Or maybe Matt is just one of those red pill guys and everyone tolerates him because he's been there forever."
Another added, "It’s not controlling behaviour if someone is constantly pushing your boundaries. At that point it’s just enforcing your boundaries. It is absolutely acceptable to tell your SO that they can’t see someone who is actively trying to break you two up, and anyone who tries to call you controlling or jealous for that has some real unhealthy views on boundaries in relationships."
Someone else wrote, "Fiancé doesn't just need a new best man, he needs a whole new friend circle if they are taking Matt's side. No matter how you feel about weddings, a best man speech is not the time to talk shit about them."
Many others wrote about how "disrespectful" Matt seemed to be and how many commenters would ditch a friend for much less.
The bride later commented on the post with an update that Peter had spoken to Matt about the situation, but the friend refused to acknowledge his terrible behaviour, so his best man position was revoked.
Peter also uninvited Matt from the ceremony and told him that the only way he had a chance to attend the reception would be to apologise to the bride.
She added that Peter was now grieving "a relationship he thought was great" but in reality it was toxic.
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