Chrissy Teigen says the loss of son Jack — one year ago — hasn't gotten easier.
The Cravings author and model, 35, posted a raw photo from her pregnancy loss last September in which she's in a hospital bed, alongside husband John Legend, with tears streaking down her face. She shared what she learned from the heartbreak — though made it clear the pain is still present, and deep.
Addressing the post to "the son we almost had," Teigen wrote, "A year ago you gave me the greatest pain I could ever imagine to show me I could survive anything, even if I didn’t want to. I didn’t get to take care of you, but you came and went to get me to love myself and take care of myself because our bodies are precious and life is a miracle. They told me it would get easier, but, yeah, that hasn’t started yet."
She ended it with, "Mom and dad love you forever."
The tribute, posted in honor of National Sons Day, comes nearly one year after the couple shared the news, on Sept. 30, that they lost the pregnancy at 20 weeks due to complications.
The couple documented the perinatal loss in a series of photos taken in the hospital. While some criticized them as too personal, mental health experts have long encouraged parents to hold the baby, to name the baby, to take photos and encourage relatives and friends to see the baby as part of a healthy grieving process. There are even photographers who specialize in documenting that type of bereavement.
Teigen has since shared the many other ways they've kept Jack's memory alive. They have a "tree of life" in the living room of their new home in his honor. She's talked about receiving his ashes and showed the stacks of condolence letters she's received.
For Sons Day, Teigen also shared a snapshot of Miles, 3.
Days earlier, it was 5-year-old Luna's time to shine, on National Daughters Day.
Teigen and Legend used IVF for their pregnancies. After losing Jack, she shared that she would never be able to carry another pregnancy.
She told People magazine in April, "Coming to terms with not being able to carry again is still really difficult for me because I feel so healthy. I'm like, why? But then I think about it as my uterus is just not cooperating with me — and it's not a failure."
Teigen talked about being "so lucky" to have Luna and Miles. "I just think of it in terms of how blessed I am already, and also there are so many ways to have a child nowadays ... whether it's surrogacy or adoption." She noted that she can't imagine a "life without more" children.