Dad runs 630 miles in memory of son who died from suicide
Watch: Dad runs 'emotional' 630-mile route in memory of son who took his life at 17
A dad is about to cross the finishing line on an "emotional" 630-mile run in tribute to his son, who tragically died from suicide in 2020, at the age of 17.
Tom Keys-Toyer, 51, from Bristol, embarked on the difficult route along the South West Coastal Path almost four weeks ago from Minehead, Somerset in memory of his son Sam and to raise awareness and funds for positive mental health support in boys and young men.
He is set to finish at around 12pm on Saturday 30 November in Poole, Dorset, having run an average of 28 miles per day. "This run has been a physical and emotional challenge, but the support I've received has been overwhelming," Tom explains.
Recalling his son's mental health struggles Tom says: "The painful truth is there were no signs, no warning. It was a complete devastating shock to all of us. Sam, seemed happy and very much himself. He had found his niche in farming and loved working with animals."
Like many of his peers, Tom says Sam had experienced difficulties at school but had come through the other side when he moved on to agricultural college. "He returned to being the Sam we knew," Tom explains. "He was enjoying coming to the end of his two year agricultural course, learning to drive a car - he had passed his tractor driving test a year or so before and was more than capable!"
Tom hopes that by taking on his impressive challenge it will help raise awareness that it is ok for boys and young men to be vulnerable, to talk and share their worries. "It is so important for them to look after their minds," he explains. "Boys and young men are very good at hiding their struggles. So often boys are told to ‘man up and get on with it’ and worry what others will think of them. They become well versed in masking their inner most emotions, but we want them know it’s ok to open up and share their struggles."
By raising funds for his chosen charity, Boys in Mind, a Bath-based charity dedicated to tackling the stigma surrounding mental health in young men, Tom also hopes those who are struggling will be able to access tools to help them not feel like suicide is the only way out. "Sam was fiercely loyal to those important to him," Tom adds. "He had a great sense of humour and mischief, but also a good listening ear and big heart. These were characteristics we felt matched the charity we have chosen to support."
Tom says the run itself has presented many challenges - geographically as well as physically and mentally. "At the end of the 630 miles I will have climbed 115,000 feet (35,031 meters), which is roughly equivalent to climbing Mount Everest four times," he explains. "Storm Bert also created some obstacles like fallen trees and land slides some of which I had to climb over in the dark. But it's all part of the story."
Other lows include experiencing a painful knee, aching feet and enduring a lack of sleep. "Each day we have to be up and out by 5am to make the most of the light," he explains. On the upside, however, Tom has experienced some breathtaking scenery along the route. "Running before dawn I’ve seen some stunning sun rises," he says.
There have been some positives mentally too. "Days on my own have given me lots of time to reflect, remember and process my own feelings," Tom explains. "Overall the challenge has been a wonderful but bittersweet experience, it has put my mental and physical strength to the test at times but I will remember it forever."
Tom says the challenge couldn't have happened without the support of his wife and children, Oli and Evie, and four of his best friends who have each taken a week of work to follow him along the route in a motor home, keeping him topped up with food, drink and clean clothes.
During his run he's been making some inspiring videos with his eldest son Oli, sharing advice for those struggling. "Of course I wish I'd never had to take on this challenge," Tom explains. "But I wanted to turn a negative into a positive and the staggering amount of funds and publicity about positive mental health has blown me away."
Tom says knowing that he is dedicating this run to Sam has spurred him on every step of the way. "And the fact I'm raising awareness and funds for Boys in Mind, a cause so close to mine and my family’s heart, has kept me going," he adds. "I'm incredibly grateful to everyone who has donated, shared my story, and cheered me on."
Tom has already surpassed his initial fundraising target of £10,000, with donations currently exceeding £27,000. To donate visit https://app.goodhub.com/swcp
For further help, information and support
CALM's helpline and webchat are open from 5pm until midnight, 365 days a year. Call CALM on 0800 58 58 58 or chat to their trained helpline staff online, it’s free, anonymous and confidential.
You can also contact Samaritans free on 116 123 or view other ways to get in touch with the charity.
Or for more information about mental health and how to get help visit Mind.
Read more about male mental health:
How new fathers can look after their mental health (Yahoo Life UK, 6-min read)
Seven things to do during a panic attack (Yahoo Life UK, 5-min read)
I’m A Celeb viewers praise ‘brave’ Barry McGuigan for inspiring men to talk about grief (Yahoo Life UK, 3-min read)
