Danniella Westbrook has confessed she begged hospital staff to section her after she tried to kill herself with drugs.
The former 'EastEnders' star appeared on 'Loose Women' on Wednesday (13.06.18) with Kerry Katona in a segment in which the pair discussed their problems with substance abuse.
Danniella admitted to her friend that she tried to take her own life with a deadly cocktail of cocaine and alcohol and when it didn't work she went to hospital so she could be treated for her mental health problems.
She said: "Everyone thinks my lowest point was when I got seen with a hole in my nose but my lowest point has been the last four years and not having my daughter in my life, not having certain things in my life, I haven't dealt with it the right way, I haven't dealt with it the adult way. I have just used."
Revealing the point at which she realised she had hit rock bottom, she said: "All I've done is used. I put myself into hospital two years ago, I said to them, 'I have taken copious amounts of coke, every medicine in the house, drunk alcohol; this, that and the other. And I am still waking up - why? Please section me, I am trying to kill myself.' And they sectioned me. I wanted to die. And I thought what could be the thing that could kill me fast enough that won't give my kids a lot of shame."
Danniella came to the tragic conclusion that the best way for her to die would be to have an overdose, because there would have been a tragic irony in that.
Struggling to hold back the tears, she said: "And it will be an overdose and it will be because everyone will say, 'I told you so because she was a coke head.' And my kids know that. I wrote letters to my kids; I've got suicide notes from back then and the reason I said is, 'So you can have a better life.' "
Danniella has two kids, 21-year-old son Kai, whom she has with Robert Fernandez, and 16-year-old daughter Jodi, her child with ex-husband Kevin Jenkins.
The 44-year-old actress admits her son Kai has been a rock for her over the past four years as she's struggled with sobriety, and although she feels guilty at putting him through so much, she is grateful that he is completely anti-drugs from watching her self-destruct.
She said: "With Kai, he became my carer for the last three years when I've been using and I've been ill. He has put his life on hold for three years to look after me."
When Kerry asked whether this has put Kai off drugs, Daniella answered: "Kai absolutely hates coke, he hates anything to do with it, he hates cocaine, he hates the whole addiction process, he detests it. He detests it because it's nearly killed his mum. He will cry on the phone sometimes and say, 'Do you know what mum, I don't want to see you die,' and there has been times when I have relapsed and I have gone, 'I know you don't want to see me die but I am not helping you.'
"It's hard but I have come through the other side of that and there are still times when I look at him and say, 'I am so sorry Kai,' and he says, 'Will you stop saying sorry because you are getting me all down and I am in a good mood.' "