Duane 'Dog' Chapman contemplated suicide after his wife died.
The 66-year-old star admitted it's still hard to realise "psychologically" that he won't see Beth Chapman again after she lost her battle with cancer in June and he confessed he hoped he wouldn't "live very much longer" without her."
Speaking on the finale of his reality show 'Dog's Most Wanted', he said: "I've only been alone as I showered and I had to run out without a towel, because I can't be alone right now. That's when I start thinking about things. And I lay down to take a nap, and I reached over to touch something, and it was the freaking dog. I don't realise yet psychologically that she's gone gone and I'll never, ever see her. I don't realise that.
""I just hope that I don't live very much longer without her, because now she made the first step, she's through the gate. She paved a way for me. I want to take a pain pill so bad.
"I feel like if I did something to myself right now and passed away suicidal and I got to heaven and was like, 'Hi honey,' and would she go, 'You dumbass, why would you do that?' Or would she go, 'Wow, you're here.' I'll be like 'Of course I'm here. You left me. I'm here.' So, am I obligated to do that?"
In September, the reality star was hospitalised after suffering chest pain and though he was later diagnosed with a pulmonary embolism, he previously claimed he thought his problems were a result of a broken heart over his wife's death.
He said: "It feels much better now. And I'm going through some psychological things right now too, so that doesn't help. I think, basically, I had a broken heart. And of course, it's going to heal."