Emily Ratajkowski 'didn't have the courage' to leave Sebastian Bear-McClard
Emily Ratajkowski struggled to find the "courage" to leave Sebastian Bear-McClard.
The 31-year-old model was married to producer Sebastian, 42, from 2018 until 2022 and has two-year-old son Sylvester with him but admitted that even though she was "really, really unhappy", she didn't know how to call it quits with him for a "very long time" and ended up taking antidepressants.
Speaking on Dear Media's 'Going Mental With Eileen Kelly' podcast, she said: "I didn't have the courage to leave for a long time. I was really, really unhappy. I was, like, 100 pounds and I had just had a baby. I got really skinny 'cause I was not OK. I tried to take antidepressants. I was sure that something was wrong with me," she said. "I think so much of what I learned coming out of that relationship is to trust your instincts. Gaslighting is a real thing."
The 'Lying and Stealing' star went on to speculate that her desire to have a family was her reason to stay in the relationship but was able to "come back to herself" when she called time to the marriage.
She said: "As women, every piece of media we consume from the second we are born is basically this idea of finding a partner that completes you and validates you. I do think that was part of it, plus I had just had a child, so I really wanted to have that family, so it was especially hard for me to totally walk away. I do think that was part of it, plus I had just had a child, so I really wanted to have that family, so it was especially hard for me to totally walk away.
"I had lines and I was very willing to whatever, but there were just certain things that I was just [totally against]. I've always been this way. I'm a very on-and-off person. I will literally sit with people that I love -- friends, family, whatever -- for so long and then if there's a line that's crossed I'm like, 'OK! That was it.' For me, it was so clear and then it just became clearer and clearer and clearer and clearer, which was good, which was clarifying.
""I didn't understand that it was actually going to be so nice to come back to myself [to] return back to how I see the world, how I understand things, my instincts."