The year is 2033. Cardi B is prime minister, the world is at peace and AI has taken all of our jobs, meaning we spend our days lazing around at home drinking champagne on tap — literally. The creator of such a miracle invention, the elusive sister of Ohio-based TikToker Lindsay Secrest Marean, has bought Amazon and keeps Bezos on as her footstool. All in all, life is pretty good. At least, that’s the vision that flashed before my eyes when I heard about Ohio champagne.
The recent TikTok phenomenon sees Marean showcase her sister’s practice of placing standard white wine in an at-home carbonator (think SodaStream, Aarke, etc) to create ‘Ohio Champagne’ — ie, instant sparkling wine.
Obviously, the well-trodden route to producing brilliant fizz usually requires careful consideration of tens of factors, least of all grapes, terroir and the ‘method’ by which it’s made — from ‘traditional’ (think champagne) to ‘tank’ (usually Prosecco). In fact, there is even a carbonation method, which involves carefully dissolving CO2 gas in dry or sweet wines. But injecting the gas ourselves? Can it work, and if so, will it taste any good?
At home, I’ve a cheap, cheerful, reliable bottle of The Ned’s New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc on the go, which I decant, screw into my Aarke carbonator and fizz with eyes closed at an arm’s length. The result, served in a coupe once the foam has subsided, isn’t quite the miracle I’d hoped for. Poured with a hiss of large, harsh bubbles, the liquid adopts an unpleasant, slightly metallic taste, which can only be described as, er, carbonated, while the wine very quickly goes flat.
Oh well, God loves a trier…