The Funniest Tweets From Women This Week (May 13-19)
The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, and then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
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Literally no one understands something more completely than a woman in a meeting who starts a question with “Just so I understand…”
— Taylor Kay Phillips (@TayKayPhillips) May 15, 2023
unsolved mysteries is so scary. like what happened
— gary human (@nokia3108) May 14, 2023
Trying to buy a house is so embarrassing, youre like "Hi I want your house?" and they're like "Ok write a secret little note by exactly midnight telling me how much you'll give me and I'll put it with the other secret little notes and then I'll pick which of you can have it"
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) May 15, 2023
Romeo and Juliet but it’s set in 2005 and they’re employees at Hot Topic and PacSun.
— Samantha Ruddy (@samlymatters) May 13, 2023
The fire department are trying to show they're supportive but I'm fully dying at the implication that we will simply just all burn pic.twitter.com/ufKq0m67BO
— Jazz ⧗ (@DerpSwan) May 13, 2023
Netflix: are you still watching? just wanna make sure😇
HBOmax: you want to watch ANOTHER episode? ugh fine hold on
Hulu: you watched one ep of this show and you didn't turn off your tv so here's a random episode of some shit you've never heard of we don't give a fuck
— You Will Find Your People is out now📕NYC 5/26 (@hellolanemoore) May 17, 2023
When you got in trouble for wearing spaghetti straps to school and the teachers would make you put on something from the lost and found https://t.co/pPAPLdJGiz
— Mina Kimes (@minakimes) May 18, 2023
tv is such a powerful medium. The phrase ‘moderate to severe plaque psoriasis’ has been rattling around in my head since I was like four
— danielle weisberg (@danielleweisber) May 16, 2023
Sometimes I think about how after my heart surgery they had to do a quick procedure to remove the chest tube, and they nonchalantly gave me a MEDICATION THAT STOPS YOU FROM FORMING SHORT TERM MEMORY like that was normal and not a sci-fi idea that could spawn a thousand tales.
— Jessica Ellis (@baddestmamajama) May 17, 2023
little bit about me: i once saw Brad Pitt at a bar back in the late 90’s. he was smoking so i walked up & asked for a light. he handed me his lighter but i didn’t have a cigarette so i just flicked on the lighter & said “oh cool it works” gave it back & walked away
— kim (@KimmyMonte) May 17, 2023
I believe road rage incidents would go down 98% if car manufacturers installed horns that sounded stupid. Go back to awoogah horns.
— Caissie (@Caissie) May 13, 2023
I've come across A LOT of good 17th- and 18th-century Quaker names over the past 3.5 years, as I've worked on my thesis. Now that my thesis is done and submission is near, it's time to share the more than 90 wildest early Quaker names I've found (in alphabetical order): pic.twitter.com/Qj18jPELMI
— Isabella Rosner (@IsabellaRosner) May 16, 2023
My dad wanted to save a YouTube video so he made me play it on my phone so he could record it on his phone and told everyone in the room to be quiet
— Bolu Babalola 🍯&🌶 (@BeeBabs) May 13, 2023
neeed them to tell me I have good veins when i’m at the doctor’s office it’s imperative that I get a good grade in Patient
— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) May 16, 2023
If my mother sends you a gift or a card, please write her back and let her know you received it. Otherwise, I will hear about it for the rest of my life.
— Akilah Green (@akilahgreen) May 19, 2023
"hey what are u wearing tn"
"the daily podcast reincarnated as a dress gurl" pic.twitter.com/BRRqBPCkm0
— Meg Graham (@megancgraham) May 18, 2023
it’s so important to travel because it’s how you learn that Subway smells exactly the same everywhere
— taylor garron (@taylorgarron) May 17, 2023
I hated the boy in front of me de-boarding the plane for stopping short a bunch of times. HATED him. Then I saw he was trying to carry two five pound bags of Swedish fish and the tides have changed.
— ellory smith (@ellorysmith) May 15, 2023
my boyfriend had to redo some of his law school applications bc he checked yes to LGBTQA he thought A stood for ally
— Grace (@gracecamille_) May 17, 2023
The WGA and SAG striking side by side ❤️ pic.twitter.com/DD6oxjilba
— Emma Dudley (@captainEmdud) May 18, 2023
The apartment below us used to blast dance music from 4 PM to 4 AM every day — it made our furniture vibrate. We assumed they were hosting pandemic parties? One night at 1 AM Brie went down there to beg for mercy and it was literally just one guy wearing sunglasses
— Kristin Chirico (@KristinChirico) May 14, 2023
The local news is talking about Taylor Swift playing Gillette like it’s an incoming nor’easter
— Stephanie Murray (@stephanie_murr) May 18, 2023
me: i have so many responsibilities
also me: pic.twitter.com/3C6UUS5op5
— Feelings (@feelingsgram) May 14, 2023
my husband and i have a great relationship bc we're knowledgeable about different things and explain them to each other. for instance, he keeps trying to teach me what a 401k is, and in return i explain memes to him
— cait (@punished_cait) May 15, 2023
will never stop thinking about the cold call I made yesterday to a person I have never spoken to in my life, who answered the phone on the second ring, in a tone of such confidence it bordered on confrontational, with "Speak to me."
— Allegra Hobbs (@AllegraEHobbs) May 17, 2023