Are you bored yet with stories about Cristiano Ronaldo returning to Manchester United? Then we’ve got bad news for you, because they are not going away. Not this summer, not next summer and possibly not anytime before you die. Sorry about that.

But if you’re not yet bored with stories Cristiano Ronaldo returning to Manchester United, then it’s your lucky day, because the Express is reporting that Cristiano Ronaldo might be returning to Manchester United! Wow!

The Real Madrid forward is said be considering a “stunning” move to Old Trafford after this weekend’s Champions League final.

It’s likely the Express has copy and pasted 93% of this story from a previous article they did about Ronaldo signing for United last month. For the remaining 7%, they have used their dazzling journalistic expertise to change a few details.

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The main one is that, this time, Ronaldo wants to move to Old Trafford “because Jose Mourinho is angry”.

It’s a confusing claim, and it’s not clear whether CR7 is attracted to Jose’s fury because it motivates him, or amuses him, or arouses him in a, “Ooh I like you when you’re angry” kind of way.

Very odd. The other reason Ronaldo allegedly wants to return to Manchester is “because of Real’s reluctance to hand him a new contract”, which makes a bit more sense.

We await the Express’s next cut and paste job for further developments (and the 17 cut and paste jobs after that).

Man Utd ready to sell Martial, but not to Chelsea

On his way out of Old Trafford could be Anthony Martial, for whom United are ready to “listen to offers”, according to the Mail.

However, there is a catch, because the Red Devils will not let the forward move to a rival Premier League club, which is unfortunate for Chelsea as they reportedly want to sign him.

Another problem is that few clubs on the continent would be willing to match Martial’s £65,000-a-week wages. The Mail suggests a potential swap deal with Blues midfielder Willian could provide a solution.

Napoli manager Maurizio Sarri appears to be edging closer to replacing Antonio Conte at Stamford Bridge after former Blues manager Carlo Ancelotti held talks with the Italian side about succeeding Sarri, which all sounds rather complicated.

A “complex domino effect” is how the Sun describes it, the upshot of which will be that everyone has a manager and a job they want, apart from Conte who will be unemployed but consoled by a £9m pay-off. According to the Telegraph, he will subsequently “take a break” from football, presumably so has some time to spend all his money.

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Meanwhile, Manchester City manager Pep Guardiola is monitoring 18-year-old Ajax defender Matthijs de Ligt as a long-term replacement for Vincent Kompany, says the Guardian. City already signed John Stones and Aymeric Laporte supposedly for the same reason, but they do have a tendency to be greedy.

Elsewhere, incoming Arsenal manager Unai Emery wants to put Aaron Ramsey at the heart of his team at the Emirates (Sky Sports), the Gunners, Chelsea and Everton are all interested in 17-year-old Hamburg defender Josha Vagnoman (ESPN) and Brighton are closing in on a deal to sign young Paris Saint-Germain defender Moussa Sissako (Sun), who sounds like he changed his name by deed poll so as to not be confused with Moussa Sissoko. Understandable.