John Lennon's killer feels "more and more" shame every year.
Mark David Chapman - who shot the Beatles legend outside his Manhattan apartment in December 1980 - made his tenth unsuccessful bid for parole in August and a transcript of the hearing has now been released by New York prison officials.
He said: "Thirty years ago I couldn't say I felt shame and I know what shame is now.
"It's where you cover your face, you don't want to, you know, ask for anything."
The 63 year old told the three-person parole board that the 'Imagine' singer was "incredible" to him earlier in the day when he autographed an album for him and admitted he thinks about that meeting every day.
And Chapman admitted he went through an internal "tug of war" about whether or not to go ahead with his shooting plan after their meeting hours before the incident.
But he said: "I was too far in. I do remember having the thought of, 'Hey, you have got the album now. Look at this, he signed it, just go home.' But there was no way I was just going to go home."
He claimed he sought notoriety and felt no animosity towards the music icon, and only used more lethal hollow-point bullets to "make sure" John would die.
He said: "I secured those bullets to make sure he would be dead.
"It was immediately after the crime that I was concerned that he did not suffer."
Chapman - who told the board about his work at the prison, cleaning, painting and stripping wax from the floors - claimed he is now devoted to promoting the transformative power of Jesus and admitted he is aware the pain he caused will linger "even after I die".
The board rejected his bid for release as it would not only "tend to mitigate the seriousness of the crime" but could also endanger public safety because someone might try to harm him out of anger, revenge or to gain notoriety.
Chapman will be up for parole again in August 2020.