Superficial? Tokenistic? Why some people are so wrong about R U OK? Day
Every year there are critics suggesting that the day is just a token gesture, but they couldn't be more wrong, writes Miriam Sawan.
Are you ok? That’s the question we’re all called on to ask today, on September 12, 2024 and frankly, each one of us needs the reminder to do more for those around us.
Lifeline reports that 8.6 Australians die every day by suicide, twice as many as those killed in car accidents on our roads. Of this alarming figure, 75 per cent are male.
Each life lost leaves collateral damage for surviving relatives who carry the deep wounds of moral injury for the remainder of their lives as they are forced to reckon with the question of whether they could have done more to keep a loved one on this earth.
The motivation of R U OK? Day is to contribute to suicide prevention efforts by encouraging people to invest more time in their personal relationships whether they be at work, home or in social settings like the gym or community groups.
It encourages empathy and social awareness to assist people in detecting signs of depression, distress or difficulty and to provide timely support.
There are more than 65,000 Australians who attempt to take their own lives, EVERY. SINGLE. YEAR.
Those statistics are underreported and inaccurately captured as there is little documentation when a suicide attempt doesn't end in death.
These are not just statistics, this is human life, each one valuable and deserving of space and opportunity.
R U OK? Day is a day for the grieving. It’s a day for the depressed. It’s a day for the broken. It’s also a day for the healers and the helpers to extend their hands to those needing our support.
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Why is it important to listen to critics of R U OK Day?
Some may claim that having one day to check in on the mental health of others is tokenistic, but my response to that is, if you are privileged enough to see lightness amidst the heaviness of suicide prevention, you are not the target audience for this day.
In every corner of this country, someone is battling loneliness, depression and/or combative thoughts and a day that encourages mindfulness and consideration of each other should be observed and celebrated for the opportunity it presents for us all to do good.
Some chronically depressed individuals, like this person on Reddit, have voiced criticism of the day as being a superficial, virtue-signalling exercise for individuals on social media and corporations to offer vain platitudes instead of actual help.
These voices are important in the debate to ensure that RUOK Day is not just about wearing a badge and sharing thoughts on social media, it’s critically, a day to engage in meaningful conversations that hopefully carry on beyond the day itself.
We can do good for friends, family and colleagues and pick up the phone to check in. We can text, call, visit, donate to charity, whatever our capacity, we should all embrace it to contribute to people’s healing.
Vital to remember first responders on R U OK? Day
On RUOK Day, I’d also value seeing the community elevate the first responders who attend to the people that this day is made for.
Nothing prepares them for what they witness at a suicide call. These everyday heroes carry post-traumatic stress for the remainder of their lives and sometimes become the statistics.
There is no training to adequately prepare these men and women for the scenes they witness. A community effort to check if the helpers are ok, is critical too.
I just finished reading Dean Yates’ memoir, “Line in the Sand” yesterday. He was a news bureau chief for Reuters who suffered post traumatic stress after losing journalists in his care during the Iraq War.
The loss compounded after years of covering hard news, causing him to unravel.
He entertained taking his life but thanks to the care of his wife and the self-awareness he carried through therapy, he is a survivor.
The difference was the network of people who propped him up at his lowest point, which is precisely the mission statement of R U OK? Day.
In his memoir, Yates recalls the types of people he encountered at the mental health facility he was admitted to. Each of them as ordinary as the next.
Some were police officers and firefighters, some were war veterans and some were teachers.
Each of them broke for a different reason, but reminded Yates of the fragility of the human spirit regardless of their line of work or how tough they appeared on the outside.
We all need to hear from loved ones on R U OK? Day
With one in three Australians reporting loneliness, it’s safe to say, we all need to hear from loved ones.
We can’t always prevent brokenness, but we can contribute to the mending of it.
R U OK? Day is an opportunity for collective good.
Even if the act feels forced, a good deed committed is a good deed done.
To me, that trumps the alternative of having done nothing at all.
Readers seeking support and information about suicide prevention can contact Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636, Lifeline on 13 11 14 or text 0477 131 114 or Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467. Chat to Lifeline online or access the Support Toolkit at www.lifeline.org.au (all services are available 24/7).
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