Woman Keeps 'Score' of Everything She's Ever Done for Her Husband of 30+ Years: 'Being a Housewife Is Risky'

An anonymous woman says she keeps a "meticulous record ...so that if worst ever happened, I wouldn't be relying on the mercy of a man to feed myself"

<p>Getty</p> senior age couple sitting at table


senior age couple sitting at table

A woman is igniting conversation online after sharing that she's been keeping a list of all the things she's contributed to her 30-year-old marriage, in an effort to protect herself and demonstrate the "vulnerability" of being a housewife.

In a post shared to Reddit, the anonymous woman asks if she is in the wrong for "keeping score of everything I've ever done for my husband."

Detailing only that she is in her late 50s and has been married to her husband (who is in his early 60s) for more than 30 years, she writes: "I have fulfilled the role of a 'traditional' wife for much of our marriage, and I left paid work soon into our marriage. My husband is very successful in his business and we live comfortably. All our children are adults now."

She continues: "My husband built his business from the ground up, and I was instrumental to the early success which set it up to be what it is today."

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<p>Getty</p> Woman writing list


Woman writing list

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Recently, the woman says that the couple was having lunch with their adult children when her son said that his wife "didn't want to be 'trad wife' and do what I did to raise the kids."

"She raised concerns about how vulnerable a position it is and that she doesn't want to solely depend on him for money," she writes. "[My son] wanted me to talk to her and convince her by telling her how it worked out for me."

But the woman told her son, she writes, that she understood where his wife was coming from. "Being a housewife is incredibly risky and vulnerable, especially if he leaves her and she's been out of the labor force for a while. He countered that it had worked for his father and I because I trusted him as my husband to provide for me and why couldn't his wife do the same?"

That's when the woman shared that she has a "meticulous record of all contributions I have ever made to the family business — recently digitized with the help of my daughter — so that if [the] worst ever happened, I wouldn't be relying on the mercy of a man to feed myself."

"I told him I have made many contingency plans over the years to minimize the risk of being a housewife and compensate for my lack of pension and benefits I'd have had had I not left the labor force," she adds.

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The woman's son and her husband were "angered" that she had a lengthy list of her contributions, she writes.

"Both said it showed a lack of trust, and my husband especially feels I've had 'one foot out the door' our entire marriage and that my 'little escape plan' included plans to 'shaft him of his business,' " she writes. "I told him the fact that he refers to it as 'his' business rather than 'ours' is exactly why I kept those records and why I won't be telling my daughter in law to do what she doesn't want to do."

Hundreds have weighed in on the post, with many commenters pushing back on the recent "trad wife" trend that's overtaken some corners of TikTok and Instagram.

"What is this modern obsession for tradwives in societies where it takes two salaries to care for a family?" writes one person. "Son is ... not respecting his fiancée/wife's wishes. What if SHE wanted him to be a househusband? What gives him the right to demand of her what she won't give?"

The original poster herself also shared more in the comments, writing that she learned to keep her list from her grandmother, who "was a 'trad wife' at a time when many people were."

"She stood by my grandpa, gave him 5 kids and all she had. He left her for 22-year-old with no money, no house and no where to [begin] ... no one gets married planning to divorce so she always told my sisters and I to 1: always have an escape fund and 2: never allow your love for your man to blind you from how vulnerable you are if you have no income of your own."

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