The worst jean trends of 2019 (so far)

Sage Anderson

We regret to inform you that the fashion industry has gone too far in 2019. Specifically jean fashion, otherwise known as jashion

Jeans are simple, classic, and a reliable tenant of wardrobes everywhere. You can wear them any season, any time, almost anywhere. 

But certain clothing lines have turned the humble blue jean into their own mad science experiment of tacky awfulness. And who among us has the right to play fashion god? Certainly not these runway clowns. 

Jeans are dead and we've killed them. Here are the worst offenders of 2019 (so far). 

1. Janties

You know what lingerie will really spice things up in the bedroom? Not whatever the hell these are. How do your sweaty underbits not get completely and utterly chafed in this junderwear? A reporter at Vogue even called up a gynecologist whose general consensus was, yeah, please wear a thong with these. 

It's hard to feel like these $315 French-cut denim "janties" from Y/Project's Spring 2019 Collection was not a complete joke. Even if artistic intent was there, Twitter lost their mind nevertheless. "As a busy and modern career woman on the go, I never leave the house without my powerful Jean Diaper™" one tweet read

SEE ALSO: 8 terrible jeans that prove denim has gone too far

2. Jeans that just can't make up their mind

The Jekyll and Hyde of jeans, these are a goddamn monstrosity. Designer Ksenia Schnaider's creation has one leg that says "casual coffee date" the another that says "it's 1994 and I'm in a Jay and Silent Bob movie." We're begging you to just pick a side! Both skinny and flared jeans have their place, but you're gonna look like a fool if you pay $377 to keep tripping over only one leg when you try to walk down the street in this little number. 

3. The jeans you just pulled out of the laundry jeans  

How do you put stuff in the pockets??

Image: unravel project

Please, god, no.

Image: Unravel project

While we may not have Jaws 19 coming to a theater near you, there are a some things that Back To The Future II did somehow accurately predict. Inside-out jeans is, unfortunately, one of those things. Some fashion and news sites love declaring every weird and offbeat item of clothing to come off the runway a "trend" that all the kids are totally wearing these days. But it's disheartening to give the official seal of approval that these really are a trend. Some fashion choices should be left in the '80s version of the 2000s. 

4. Too (many) chains 

Those chains look like tiny baby snakes clinging to the jeans for dear life. Or sperm. Either way, it's too much.

Image: ASOS

You know that feeling when you're about to go crazy stupid in the mosh pit at a metal concert, but your knees are a wee bit chilly? Then, The Ragged Priest Black Label Chain Jeans are the ones for you. 

When it comes to ASOS jeans, I feel like we're all at the point of shaking our fists and saying, "How many times do we have to teach you this lesson, old man?" Their description says both "more is definitely more" and "for an unfinished finish." So are these jeans excessive, or are they removing jean parts like the TopShop plastic knee jean holes of 2018? This is not Burger King, ASOS! You cannot have it both ways! 

5. A new type of cleavage jeans 

It's hard to tell what the deeeep V panel on this model's jeans is supposed to be for exactly. Showing off an unfortunately placed tattoo? Flexing your tummy tea abs? What a mystery, indeed. 

6. The world's most useless joveralls 


Image: opening ceremony



How? How do these jeans stay up without the straps? Where are the straps? For the low, low price of just $189, these Glen Martens jeans will have you feeling like a toddler who forgot to pull up their jumper after they went to the potty. Please, grow up and buy yourself some big person pants. 

7. Not your grandma's jeans — oh, wait 

🎵 Gonna take my jeans to the old town jeans, I'm gonna jeeeeeeans, till I can't no more 🎵

Image: moda operandi 

A very cool and sexy look this season is imitating your grandma's quilted coach cushions. Wrap these bad boys in some plastic, and you're ready to go. 

The "re-purposed mid-century quilt patches" goes perfect with a "simple tank and flat leather sandals," according to the product description on these B Sides jeans. They also go perfect with moth balls, Pioneer Woman kitchenware, and getting your horses in the back. 

8. Jeans, and aWaAaAaAay! 

[Edna Mode voice] NO CAPES!

Image: opening ceremony

Party in the back.


I'm not sure who is the target audience for these $126 Diesel Red Tag x Shayne Oliver jeans. They're described as a "a shredded, dystopic Americana remix on classic denim styles," yet the jeans themselves scream less Mad Max, and more Superman, if his day job was at a BBQ joint. 

While the fashion industry may be telling us that everything from bootcut jeans to low-rise looks are definitely coming back this season, close your eyes and cover your ears. Use your common jense (jean sense) in your heart and make the right decisions.  

WATCH: Kim Kardashian faces heat for new 'Kimono' brand

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