20 Of The Funniest Tweets About Married Life (March 19-25)
Marriage is full of highs, lows and a whole bunch of ordinary moments in between. Somehow the married people on X, formerly known as Twitter, continue to find humor in the minutiae of wedded life.
Every week, we round up the funniest marriage tweets on the platform. Read on for 20 relatable ones that will have you laughing in agreement.
husband: I need to be out the door at 8 so I should get up at
me: 7:15
husband: 7:40
me:— meghan (@deloisivete) March 25, 2024
husband: I need to be out the door at 8 so I should get up at
me: 7:15
husband: 7:40
me:
— meghan (@deloisivete) March 25, 2024 ">
me: 7:15
husband: 7:40
me:
another reason trans men are men: my husband told me I’m his best friend and I was like awwww that’s so sweet! but my best friend is Jenna, you need more friends dude
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) March 25, 2024
another reason trans men are men: my husband told me I’m his best friend and I was like awwww that’s so sweet! but my best friend is Jenna, you need more friends dude
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) March 25, 2024 ">
Long-winded stories and explanations that could easily be told in half the time are my husband's specialty.
— Hollie Harris (@allholls) March 25, 2024
Long-winded stories and explanations that could easily be told in half the time are my husband's specialty.
— Hollie Harris (@allholls) March 25, 2024 ">
My mother-in-law’s kid is the worst one in my house to deal with.
— Dad Named Matt 🇺🇸 (@mahnamematt) March 24, 2024
My mother-in-law’s kid is the worst one in my house to deal with.
— Dad Named Matt 🇺🇸 (@mahnamematt) March 24, 2024 ">
My wife trying to avoid an argument-
While I appreciate you hang drying my nice sweaters can you please do it the right way for once?— Dadof2Boys (@Dadof2crazyboys) March 20, 2024
My wife trying to avoid an argument-
While I appreciate you hang drying my nice sweaters can you please do it the right way for once?
— Dadof2Boys (@Dadof2crazyboys) March 20, 2024 ">
While I appreciate you hang drying my nice sweaters can you please do it the right way for once?
Get married so you and your spouse can argue about whether or not a local radio station is a new station or not while you drink your morning coffee.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) March 20, 2024
Get married so you and your spouse can argue about whether or not a local radio station is a new station or not while you drink your morning coffee.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) March 20, 2024 ">
You know your husband is a lawyer when you text him at 10pm to ask to bring you a snack upstairs and he doesn't respond so you email his work email and he responds right away.
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) March 19, 2024
My mother-in-law never thinks our kitchen is equipped right, so she ordered some stuff, and let me tell you it is very disconcerting to open a package and find a giant knife when you aren't expecting it
— meghan (@deloisivete) March 25, 2024
My mother-in-law never thinks our kitchen is equipped right, so she ordered some stuff, and let me tell you it is very disconcerting to open a package and find a giant knife when you aren't expecting it
— meghan (@deloisivete) March 25, 2024 ">
I messed with the plugs near my husband’s computer and accidentally shut off the wifi during the work day, if you need me I’ll be in the corner facing the wall
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) March 22, 2024
I have this sneaking suspicion that my wife won the lottery but she’s not going to tell me.
— A Dad Influence (@gbergan) March 24, 2024
I have this sneaking suspicion that my wife won the lottery but she’s not going to tell me.
— A Dad Influence (@gbergan) March 24, 2024 ">
Does anyone go around telling their significant other that they were responsible for their white hair?
Asking for marriage counseling.— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) March 21, 2024
Does anyone go around telling their significant other that they were responsible for their white hair?
Asking for marriage counseling.
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) March 21, 2024 ">
Asking for marriage counseling.
Thing is, if my husband died on the toilet we wouldn’t discover him for hours.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) March 21, 2024
I don’t even need them anymore but I still keep a box of tampons in our bathroom so I can discreetly slip one in my husband‘s pocket when he’s being moody.
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) March 25, 2024
I don’t even need them anymore but I still keep a box of tampons in our bathroom so I can discreetly slip one in my husband‘s pocket when he’s being moody.
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) March 25, 2024 ">
I've had this bulky piece of furniture in my house for almost 10 years and my husband has always hated it. Last night I finally suggested I might be ready to start thinking about getting rid of it. 12 hours later he had someone backing their car into our driveway to haul it away.
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) March 20, 2024
Irony:
When my wife is yelling at me for not correctly setting up her karaoke song “Go Easy on Me”— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) March 24, 2024
Irony:
When my wife is yelling at me for not correctly setting up her karaoke song “Go Easy on Me”
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) March 24, 2024 ">
When my wife is yelling at me for not correctly setting up her karaoke song “Go Easy on Me”
Being a kept husband is very hard.
I have to carry all these shopping bags by myself. 🥺— CLUB JAY JAY (@JayJurden) March 19, 2024
Being a kept husband is very hard.
I have to carry all these shopping bags by myself. 🥺
— CLUB JAY JAY (@JayJurden) March 19, 2024 ">
I have to carry all these shopping bags by myself. 🥺
Wife: I just don't have anything else to do today
11: you could clean
me: aw shit boy. Run.— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) March 20, 2024
Wife: I just don't have anything else to do today
11: you could clean
me: aw shit boy. Run.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) March 20, 2024 ">
11: you could clean
me: aw shit boy. Run.
I talked in my sleep last night. Naturally I told my husband off.
— Late to the party Laura (@ericamorecambe) March 22, 2024
I talked in my sleep last night. Naturally I told my husband off.
— Late to the party Laura (@ericamorecambe) March 22, 2024 ">
You know how in movies when someone is missing they’re like, “did they have a special place they liked to go, maybe to be alone?”
For my wife that place is a shopping center close by that has a Marshalls, a TJ Maxx, a HomeGoods, and a Chicken Salad Chick.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 21, 2024
One of my favorite things about my wife is anytime we’re trying to leave the house she needs to deep clean the kitchen before we go.
— Dadof2Boys (@Dadof2crazyboys) March 21, 2024
