Amy Duggar King on Being the 'OG Black Sheep' of the Duggar Family: 'They Had to Have a Villain' (Exclusive)

"I feel like they did not know how to handle someone that wasn't like them," the former reality star tells PEOPLE exclusively

Being deemed "crazy" and "rebellious" at a young age definitely took a toll on Amy (Duggar) King.

"I'm the original, OG black sheep Duggar right here, yeah," Amy, 37, tells PEOPLE exclusively. "I was looked down upon for wearing tank tops, distressed denim. I was the one that was like, 'Eh, she's a bad seed.' It started off at a very young age."

Alongside her fellow Duggar family members, Amy was a featured cast member on 19 Kids and Counting. She appeared in 109 episodes between 2008 to 2015.

Related: Why Amy Duggar King Doesn't Think Cousin Josh Duggar 'Can Change' Despite His Imprisonment (Exclusive)

The Duggars have long been super religious and have been associated with the ultra-conservative Institute in Basic Life Principles (IBLP). The organization's strict rules range from clothing they're prohibited from wearing to what toys children are allowed to play with. However, Amy — who is the daughter of Jim Bob Duggar's sister Deanna — played by her own set of rules, engaging in the dating world over courting, wearing the clothing she desires and consuming alcoholic beverages.

The mother of 4-year-old son Daxton, whom she shares with husband Dillon King, admittedly knew she was "very different" from the rest of her famous family but "didn't know why."

"They weren't against me. They loved me. They did love me, but it was very kept at arm's length a little bit, and I didn't really understand why," she recalls. "On the show, of course, I was literally called Crazy Cousin Amy, was my name. And I was like, 'Why am I crazy? Why am I being called this?'"

However, such labels "did play a role in my life," the former reality star says.

"It really did because I believed what I was told. Not just one person, but all the people and then the world that watched the show, you're like, 'Well, I guess I am a bad seed. I guess I am,'" she shares. "I definitely dealt with low confidence, a lot of insecurity. I dealt with a bunch of stuff like that."

"I think at some point I just woke up and I was like, 'Wait a second.' I don't have a police record. I don't have the things that would make someone like, 'Oh, she's crazy.' It's not a bad crazy, I'll jump out of a plane, but that's not bad," she continues. "I feel like they did not know how to handle someone that wasn't like them. They had to have a villain."

Amy feels "it's really sad that so many people believed" that about her. However, she notes, "It's really sad that I believed it about myself."

Related: A Guide to Everyone in the Duggar Family

As for what has gotten out of holding that belief about herself, Amy says that "it had to do a lot with my faith."

"That's not who I am. Labels, you can put any label. I've had all the labels. I've had black sheep, I've had riding the Duggar coattails. I've heard Fame-y, that's a good one. I feel like that one's a play on words. I like that one," she explains. "But if I literally just did a picture and then wrote on Sharpie all the things that I've been called, I'm like, 'That's not me at all and that's not who God made me be. It's not who made me to be.'"

The Arkansas native adds, "I can look at those haters and look at those names and be like, 'That's just a straight attack for no reason.' Just because they needed maybe some ratings, maybe they needed a little boost here and there, and they needed some kind of controversy and I happened to be that exhibit."

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Looking to the future, Amy has some big stuff on the horizon. "There's a couple of projects that I'm excited about that I can't really speak about right now," she teases.

"I'm just writing. I'm just writing all my experiences and the things that I've learned, and I'm journaling a lot right now and it's just really healing. It's just really healing," she says, referencing the many controversies her family is linked to and what she endured in her youth. "That's just been the best part, I think, is just me just pouring it out on pages and being like, 'Wow, there's a lot here.'"

She concludes, "I'm not really sure of what it's going to equal or what will happen with it, but right now it's just really a healing moment for me and it's been really good. Just mom life and keeping out of the spotlight right now."

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