When it comes to wedding planning, tensions can escalate faster than you can say "I do", particularly when guest lists and expectations clash. But a recent dilemma shared on the notorious 'That's it...I'm wedding shaming' Facebook group has set social media ablaze.
In a since-deleted post to an online wedding community, a bride-to-be aired her frustrations over her bridesmaid's request to accommodate her breastfeeding needs during the wedding festivities. The bride's original rant laid it out bare:
"One of my bridesmaids told me she was pregnant. The wedding isn't until 2025 so she won't be pregnant by then and the baby will be nearly a year old. But when she told me, she hinted that she'd have to bring the baby to the wedding. I told her sorry it's going to be a child-free wedding."
The Bridesmaid's conundrum
Adding to the story, the bride elaborated that her bridesmaid contacted her again, this time seeking details about the wedding date and arrangements for the bachelorette party, slated to be held overseas. The bridesmaid suggested bringing her baby along to both occasions due to her breastfeeding responsibilities and suggested having her mother and the baby nearby for breastfeeding breaks, with the bridesmaid offering to cover their travel and accommodation expenses herself.
"Is it unreasonable to be annoyed by this?" The bride asked the group, "I don't want my hen do plans and our wedding day to be worked around her going off to feed. I know nothing about babies or breastfeeding so I don't know a way around it... what do I do?"
The social media storm
The bride's post was like a match to dry tinder, igniting a furious backlash from members of the wedding shaming group, many of whom rallied behind the bridesmaid's desire to include her baby in the celebrations.
"Is it unreasonable [to be annoyed by this]?" one group member retorted, "Yes, it is," before the group launched into an onslaught of criticism against the bride.
"She's planning to BE THERE and also pay for travel and accommodations for her mom and her baby. Ma'am, she is as devoted to your wedding as a new mama can get!" one person fired back, with another echoing, "Sounds like the BM is being pretty reasonable and taking steps to allow her to be at all these events."
"Let's normalise not making your whole wedding about you, because people have their own lives," chimed in another member.
The majority of comments leaned heavily toward empathy for the bridesmaid's plight, with many asserting that breastfeeding infants should be an exception to any "child-free wedding" rule.
"Kid-free weddings should not count breastfeeding infants. I wouldn't even be friends with this person anymore," remarked one commenter, while another emphasised: "Breastfed babies need to be near their mothers."
"The bridesmaid couldn't have tried harder to find a compromise," someone else wrote.
'Don't like it, don't be a bridesmaid'
However, a few users did understand the bride's perspective, suggesting that compromises could have been made.
"Honestly, if the baby is going to be a year old, I don't see why she can't make accommodations or leave the baby home with grandma."
Staunch advocates for child-free weddings also argued that the rule should apply universally, even to young babies. "I would argue my kid-free wedding ESPECIALLY includes breastfeeding infants!" exclaimed another user. "The couple should be understanding of accommodations or a decline on the RSVP, but should never have to accommodate kids or babies at their kid-free wedding."
"Parents seem to feel like their child should be welcome EVERYWHERE and that's just not the case," remarked a self-professed child-free individual, "Don't like it? Don't be a bridesmaid."
Offering a potential solution, one commenter suggested, "The easiest and best solution is for the bridesmaid to not be in the wedding party. That way everyone wins."
Or, depending on your perspective, nobody wins.