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MAFS: The 7 things you should never say in a best man's speech

If you plan on making it out in one piece, skip these speech no-nos.

If last night's episode of Married at First Sight Australia taught us anything, it's that delivering a best man's speech is a high-stakes world, where one wrong move can turn a celebration into a cringe-fest faster than you can say "I do".

Crafting the perfect blend of humour and heartfelt sentiment is a delicate balance at the best of times. To ensure you nail it here are 7 things to steer clear of in your best man's speech.

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Man in a suit raises his glass as a bride and groom toast him.
Navigating a great best man's speech comes with a set of dos and don'ts. Photo: Getty

1. Ex marks the spot - but not in your speech

First up, let's address the elephant in the room – (almost) everyone has an ex. But mentioning former flames in your best man's speech is unnecessary and bound to end in disaster. Your role is to celebrate the present love, not dig up old memories.

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2. Keep the bucks night...in Vegas

We all know the old adage; what happens at the bucks party stays at the bucks party. While the groom might secretly enjoy a reminder of the epic night, the bride and her grandmother might not share the same sentiment. Keep the details to a minimum and save the wild tales for a boys-only reunion.

A group of men drinking.
Resist the temptation to spill the beans on the bucks party in your best man's speech. Photo: Getty

3. Mind your language

Sure, your mates might be used to your colourful vocabulary, but a wedding audience typically includes a mix of generations so swearing like a sailor during your speech is a surefire way to turn the room ice-cold. Save the salty language for the bucks party recap with the boys and keep it PG for the wedding crowd.

4. Roast, don't incinerate

It's open season for friendly digs at the groom, but remember, we're not here to bury him – just to roast him a little. Balance your jokes with genuine well-wishes and avoid turning the speech into a burn session that leaves everyone squirming in their seats. Think light-hearted teasing, not an episode of a reality TV show...(ahem).

5. Don't ridicule the bride

When complimenting the bride, think fairy godmother, not Simon Cowell. Your best man's speech is not the time to unleash your inner critic. Shower the bride with praise, sincerity, and maybe a dash of charm, but steer clear of any critique that could have the in-laws exchanging awkward glances.

Bride looks glum in front of two champagne flutes.
Ridiculing the bride in your speech is not a good look. Photo: Getty

6. Sober up, Captain! - Dutch courage is overrated

While it may be tempting to down a few shots of liquid courage before your moment in the spotlight, remember that slurring your way through a speech is not a good look. Save the inebriation for the dance floor and approach the microphone with a clear head and steady nerves.

7. Check your ego at the door

Yes, you're the best man, but that doesn't mean your speech should turn into a monologue about your incredible adventures with the groom. Keep the focus on the newlyweds, sprinkle in a few shared moments, and resist the urge to turn the speech into your personal stand-up routine.

All in all, when crafting your speech, tread lightly, aim for laughs, and sprinkle in a generous dose of heart. Armed with these guidelines, you'll have the crowd in stitches and the happy couple thanking their lucky stars that you were the chosen wingman.

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