Tara Lipinski Recalls Feeling in 'Awful Limbo' When Scheduling DNC After Miscarriage: 'I Wanted Closure'

"You just wanted to close this chapter. You wanted to move on and also you wanted to get pregnant again," Lipinski said

<p>Tara Lipinski: Unexpecting The Podcast/YouTube</p>

Tara Lipinski: Unexpecting The Podcast/YouTube

Tara Lipinski is opening up about her complicated feelings during her fertility journey.

On the fourth episode of her podcast Tara Lipinski: Unexpecting, the Olympian, 41, talks with her husband and co-host Todd Kapostasy about needing to schedule a DNC (dilation and curettage) after experiencing a miscarriage.

"I mean, miscarriage is common, it happens and I thought, 'Ok well, we just hit bad luck and a lot of miscarriages are due to chromosomal abnormalities. Genetic abnormalities," Lipinski recalls.

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Related: Tara Lipinski Recalls Moment She Found Out Her Baby Didn't a Have Heartbeat: 'I Just Knew'

"And that's exactly what Dr. Beck told me at the next appointment, when again there was no heartbeat, she just said, 'It's likely just nature.' She's like, 'I can control a lot, there's nothing wrong with you. You made two beautiful, genetically normal embryos that we have on ice. It's just nature. Nature picks this. And it happens. And that was the answer."

"So I can't imagine what this is like, but the weight, I know, was probably excruciating to remove something in your body that's not viable," her husband responds. "If you just talk about that, like how hard that is and what the timeline was like for that. Because you can't, we had to go back another week for this test that you knew was sort of moot, because you don't want, by chance something turns out."

"Right, of course, you would never, and the doctor would never let you take that risk," the former professional skater adds. "And weeks go on. And it's limbo. And it's awful. And it's just counting down the days. But at this point, when we went back to the next appointment, she was like we need to schedule a DNC."

"Which is?" Kapostasy asks.

"Which is where I will go do a little procedure under anesthesia and they will remove the pregnancy," Lipinski explains. "And why she said that was because my body was holding onto the pregnancy. I had not a drop of blood or even checking my numbers and they were rising."

"So you know, we knew that we had to do a DNC. And waiting for that was just misery. I just wanted it done. I wanted closure. I don't know how to explain it and I wonder if other women feel this way but it just felt so confusing because I wanted this pregnancy so bad."

"But at the same time, now I needed it out of me. It was like I had an itch all day where it just felt so upsetting to think this wasn't going to happen and it's still in me. And it's just like a real mindf--- and I don't know if other women feel this, but it just was like, awful limbo still," Lipinski tells her husband.

"You just wanted to close this chapter. You wanted to move on and also you wanted to get pregnant again. That is all I thought about. It was like an obsession. I was like, 'How many days? OK next time my period starts? Then in 15 days, ok August 12 that's when we're going to try.'"

"Because you're so desperate, you just want to hold on to a little bit of hope. So I transferred my energy to that. And I think a lot of women feel this way, a lot of couples feel this way. When you have that loss, you just want to get back in the game and try again," Lipinski says.

In her podcast, Lipinski has been sharing her struggles with infertility. Throughout the first few episodes, she walked her listeners through her story, which included learning that her first natural pregnancy did not have a heartbeat.

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