The secret to being in a happy throuple

This week things are getting triple heavy as Luca Guadagnino’s Challengers brings throuples to the screen, and we are here for it. Starring the regal triumvirate of Josh O’Connor, Mike Faist and method dressing queen Zendaya, it sees a clutch of randy tennis pros take the competitive spirit off-court and into the bedroom. Cue a double neck kiss set to Rihanna’s ‘S&M’ that is fast becoming the object-labelling meme for our times. It’s sparking internet meltdowns, but beyond a five-second snatch in the trailer setting up the steamy rivalry, we’d just be speculating on how involved the sex gets.

It’s not the only cinematic three-up in recent months: Franz Rogowski wowed the festival circuit as the net-vested go-between for Ben Whishaw and Adèle Exarchopoulos in Passages. And whether your gateway movie throuple was Eva Green, Michael Pitt and Louis Garrel in a bath in The Dreamers, or Maribel Verdú getting her younger man fix with Gael García Bernal and Diego Luna in Y Tu Mamá También, or the original and best — Jeanne Moreau having her pick of Jules et Jim back in 1962 — it’s sure to have at very least piqued your interest.

The sexual possibilities might be endless, but so, too, are the pitfalls. You think it’s going to be a sweaty tangle of limbs and sweet nothings from all angles, but think of the diary admin. Where do you all sleep? When does anyone do any laundry? But thankfully, we’re here to help.

Designer and writer Eerie Rose, 26, was already polyamorous when they formed a throuple with an existing couple, Mikey, 24, and Tom, 22 — alongside their separate relationship with Shane, 27.

‘We started hanging out as a three mostly to get to know each other,’ says Rose of the burgeoning relationship, which started back in September. ‘It was really fun, and me and his partner ended up falling for each other as well. It wasn’t planned but now I can’t imagine it any other way.’ Expecting the unexpected is the only way to approach.

Their first major rule of throupling up is communicate, communicate, communicate. ‘We don’t really have rules or boundaries, vetoes or anything like that. The only rule is “don’t be a dickhead”, and so far that is really all you need,’ says Rose. ‘You have to unlearn the relationship rules you learnt thus far and make up your own.’ Time to suspend those hard-and-fast rules on what constitutes cheating, or who fulfils which role in the dynamic: this has to be flexi.

Scheduling-conflicts do pop up, though, so get the diaries at the ready. ‘We just communicate lots about time and making sure we all get equal amounts together.’ Expect very little spare time, and even less time solo. ‘We all date individually as well as a three and all love and respect each other’s individual pairing.’

But when it comes to jealousy, you have to just let it go: eventually those feelings don’t even crop up. ‘I don’t really feel jealousy,’ says Rose, ‘although it definitely isn’t an easy dynamic to navigate if you aren’t chill or open.’ But as long as you’re all on the same page, it can work seamlessly. ‘We’re very vocal about how we feel about each other and very intense, so I don’t really have any fears around losing them to other people. I think that’s a big misconception with polyamory — there’s an expectation of more jealousy, but in fact, I find there’s less.’

It’s not for the faint-hearted, but bolstering yourself for the ride is essentially an act of personal growth. ‘My partner loving other people doesn’t detract from their love for me,’ says Rose. ‘In monogamy that can totally be the case.’