Why I live in Canary Wharf: Comedian Eleanor Conway on why her part of London is 'soulless...but I love it'

I moved here in 2021 because I got a bargain rental as we were coming out of lockdown.

I’ll be honest: Canary Wharf wouldn’t have been my first choice. It’s like Milton Keynes, but with less personality. (I’m from Milton Keynes). It’s completely soulless, unless the soul is money.

But actually, I’ve fallen in love with the place.

I used to live in Shoreditch. I think in many ways Canary Wharf is more honest and more real. Shoreditch pretends to be cool and trendy, but the reality is that you need a lot of money to live there.

What I love about Canary Wharf is that it doesn’t pretend to be anything other than what it is. There’s a realness about it. It’s rich, young Chinese women with small dogs. It’s Hawksmoor. It’s Dishoom. It’s very clean. It’s got its own private security that just roams around. It’s not f***ing about. And I like it.

I’m in a different place in my life now. I knew that moving here I’d be able to manifest more money in my life. I don’t want to go to Shoreditch House and see rich kids pretending to be poor and creative. I’d rather look up and go: how am I going to get a pension? I’m trying to put myself in that sort of headspace.

Eating and drinking

I don’t drink alcohol, but I love food.

Dishoom on Water Street is less than five minutes’ walk away. It’s my favourite place.

There’s a great food court in the basement of the Canary Wharf shopping mall. There’s a place called Biang where it’s about £12 for a great bowl of noodles. There’s also an Argentine Grill, where you can spend £12 or £13 and get a chopping board full of either rice or fries and steak with a nice Chimichurri sauce.

There’s also a Paul, where they do giant macaroons. I really like them. For a coffee, there’s a new plant-based place called Mallow on Park Drive.

Where I work out

It depends on what budget I’m on. If I’m feeling boujie we’ve got a Third Space on Canada Square, which is proper expensive. Alternatively, there’s a place called In2Sports on Harbord Square, which is like £20 a month and a bit of a charity vibe.

I’ve also signed up to my local Better leisure centre on Tiller Road. You get access to all their health centres, but you have to time it so that you don’t go to the gym when the schools have just come out. Students can use the gym from 4.30pm to 6.30pm, which I found out by mistake once.

I’ve spent years avoiding children — I don’t want to have to work out with them.

To commune with nature

I’m right near the river. You can walk along it on parts of the Thames Pathway. I like the river — it makes me feel like I’m not in the city. It’s quiet, and if you walk to the bottom of the Isle of Dogs, it almost feels like you’re at the seaside.

Mudchute Park is great. They have animals on the farm there and there’s a lot of open space. There’s a hill you can sit on where you’re in greenery, but you’re looking at the skyline of Canary Wharf. It’s beautiful.

Grocery shopping

I have to be careful about how much I spend in the Amazon Fresh on Water Street. It’s convenient but not the best value for money. I used to shop in Waitrose on Canada Square even though I do not have Waitrose money. Now the big Asda on Ferry Road is my go-to supermarket.

For a culture fix

You don’t come to Canary Wharf for the culture.

But I do love the Waterstones on Cabot Square and I like to go to the Everyman Cinema on Crossrail Place, although it’s £20 to sit down in a seat. Normally, I’ll hop on the Tube and go into town.

Getting around

The public transport is really good.

We’ve got the Lizzy line, the DLR and the Jubilee line, which is my favourite because you can get signal. There’s also the Overground one stop away at Canada Water.

Dream street

My dream is to have a riverside apartment on Marsh Wall. I’ve got a £2 million pound flat on my visualisation board: three bedrooms, two bathrooms, super high with full-length windows overlooking London.

Something you only see in Canary Wharf

Unobstructed views of London. And also seagulls.

What’s the catch?

It does feel like I’m a little bit out of it sometimes. It feels like people don’t come and visit me as much as when I lived in Shoreditch.

In three words

Futuristic. Soulless. Minted.

Conway’s show, Talk Dirty To Me, is touring until July 18. Sign up to her mailing list at eleanorconway.com for tickets, discount codes and to help her plan her tours.

Schools

There are seven primary schools nearby rated as outstanding, plus eight ranked as good.

Top picks include Woolmore, Mayflower and Bygrove For secondaries, New City College, Canary Wharf College Crossharbour and Langdon Park Community School are some of the highest rated choices nearby

What it costs

Buying in Canary Wharf

Average property price: £528,840

Renting in Canary Wharf

Average flat price, pcm: £2,560

Average house price, pcm: £3,360

Source: Hamptons & Land Registry